352 Quotes by Author Unknown

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Why is the place you drive on is a parkway, and the place you park on is the driveway?

Why do we call them buildings when they're finished? Shouldn't they be called Builts?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

When shooting a mime, don't use a silencer or his friends will hear you.

You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.

Without true celebration discipline is obnoxious.