284 Quotes by Aziz Ansari

So many gay jokes tonight about (James) Franco. Apparently if you're clean, well dressed and mildly cultured, you're super gay now. Is that why the rest of you guys are so aggressively fat and dirty? You think if you read one book and take a shower, dicks are going to just fly into your face.

You don't know Jay-Z's scedule. He's a renaissance man.

I have found that she is as kind and caring a person as she is hilarious. Simply put, Amy Poehler is my hero.

If you believe that men and women have equal rights, if someone asks if you're feminist, you have to say yes because that is how words work.

You should really treat stand-up like you would a play. It's a one-man play.

I never had the desire to be a professional Twitterer. Every now and then something dumb pops into my head and I'll tweet it. I don't feel any obligation to respond to everyone. Not that I don't appreciate people sending me messages on there, but there are too many. Responding to everyone would take away time for all the stuff I'm actually in the business for [stand-up or scripts].

Most of my teachers when I grew up were like older white women. So, I couldn't really channel them.

I think when people talk about improvising it turns into this silly thing like, "Oh there's like a hula hoop there and I'm like 'Oh what's going on here? Is this a really big ring?'"

I can't think of any bank robbery comedy where it's about two normal guys. It's kind of like Superbad meets Heat, which is a cool combo, and it's just fun doing a normal guy that's robbing a bank.