284 Quotes by Aziz Ansari

You want what you can't have. And if someone's being shitty to you, just move on. If someone's being shitty to you, no matter how great they are, that's shitty, and you don't want be with someone who treats you shitty.

I'm like an elephant, ok? If I walk into a room, it's like, OK, he's in there.

Any jokes I make I try to make sure it's on story and helps the characters and makes sense with the movie.

I've always tried to maintain that I don't have any advice to give. I'm a curious observer.

Oh, am I wearing an ascot? I didn't notice.

Others fear what the morrow may bring. I am afraid of what happened yesterday.

Fiddling knobs, touching keys, having fun with a full grown man.

One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid. Usually standing from behind.

I spend so much time on the Internet...I feel like I'm a million pages into the worst book ever, and I'm never going to stop reading.