284 Quotes by Aziz Ansari

I just think it’s sad that the main places in our culture that we designate to meet new people are bars and nightclubs...

I’m so jealous of people who have crushes on people they go to school with, or work with. That’s such a blessing. You actually get to see them all the time and spend time with them.

Any jokes I make I try to make sure it’s on story and helps the characters and makes sense with the movie.

Oh, what’s this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I’m walking on red carpet.

I’m kind of obsessed with food. I like to eat.

One of my life goals is to be a best man. It’s a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid. Usually standing from behind.

You should really treat stand-up like you would a play. It’s a one-man play.

At the risk bragging, one of the things I’m best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial credit.

Comedians don’t have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.