284 Quotes by Aziz Ansari

It’s the hardest thing to come up with an hour of material that can consistently keep people laughing.

I’ve always tried to maintain that I don’t have any advice to give. I’m a curious observer.

It’s much more fun to share and laugh at the bad times and the frustrations. I find you get a much deeper connection with the audience that way.

Yeah, I’ve been a little down. Totally natural. I’m getting a divorce, but now I’m ready to pull myself up by some G-strings.

This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I’m constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I’ve been robbed twice.

I strapped an MP3 player to one of those floor-cleaning robots. Call him DJ Roomba – little guy cruises around and plays music. What’s hot, DJ Roomba!

With stand-up, it’s more interesting to hear about people’s failures than their successes.

Being a rapper is about being cool, but being a comedian, you’re not supposed to be the coolest guy.

I’ve never done online dating.