284 Quotes by Aziz Ansari

I’m in a situation with this girl that’s as hopeless as overthrowing the Bush administration.

I can’t think of any bank robbery comedy where it’s about two normal guys. It’s kind of like Superbad meets Heat, which is a cool combo, and it’s just fun doing a normal guy that’s robbing a bank.

I talk about stuff like my Blackberry, Lost, the internet, music, etc. so I guess that leads to the “nerd” moniker. But I don’t get it that much to be honest. I guess its better than being labeled a “racist” comedian.

Your favorite kind of cake can’t be birthday cake, that’s like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.

For me the takeaway of these stories is that, no matter how many options we seem to have on our screens, we should be careful not to lose track of the human beings behind them. We’re better off spending quality time getting to know actual people than spending hours with our devices, seeing who else is out there.

So we come to one person, and we basically are asking them to give us what once an entire village used to provide: Give me belonging, give me identity, give me continuity, but give me transcendence and mystery and awe all in one. Give me comfort, give me edge. Give me novelty, give me familiarity. Give me predictability, give me surprise. And we think it’s a given, and toys and lingerie are going to save us with that.

You don’t know Jay-Z’s scedule. He’s a renaissance man.

What if I couldn’t read? I wouldn’t be able to text my friends movie times or even order cheese biscuits from Red Lobster!

No matter how many options we have, the real challenge is figuring out how to evaluate them.