284 Quotes by Aziz Ansari

I have a couple of ‘doing caps’ in my wallet. That’s what I call condoms.

A few decades ago, if I wanted to research vanilla ice cream, what would I have even done? Cold-approach chubby guys and then slowly steer the convo toward ice cream to get their take? No, thanks. Nowadays the Internet is my chubby friend. It is the whole world’s chubby friend.

I’m an optimist – I feel like an amazing part of life is that at any moment.

Why do we all say we prefer honesty but rarely give that courtesy to others?

Later I check Instagram, and this clown Tanya is posting a photo of some deer. Too busy to write me back, but she has time to post a photo of some deer she saw on a hike?

The problem is that this search for the perfect person can generate a lot of stress. Younger generations face immense pressure to find the “perfect person” that simply didn’t exist in the past when “good enough” was good enough. When they’re successful, though, the payoff is incredible.

You didn’t marry each other because you were madly in love; you married because you could make a family together. While some people said they were getting married for love, the pressure to get married and start a family was such that not every match could be a love match, so instead we had the “good enough marriage.

No one’s trying to get with jugglers.

I hope you aren’t holding an ice cream cone against your chest, ’cause your heart just warmed – and your ice cream just melted.