37 Quotes by Ben Schwartz

Eight hours of sleep would be amazing. That would be the best. If I could just figure out that part of my life, it would be great.

A lot of the time, youre supposed to play to the top of your intelligence, as truthful as possible. But when youre on stage making people laugh, youre still acting. I think it helped me a bunch to go on stage two or three times a week.

I love doing comedy. One of my favorite things in the world is to do Parks and Recreation; a big fun character.

We just went out there and swam, did a good job. Pumps everybody up. We still have two relay races tomorrow. I?m ready for it.

Tell me it's wrong to call up Steve Pederson's house at three in the morning, breathe heavily into the phone and then whisper, 'I'm going to kill your children.

Tell me it's wrong to call up Steve Pederson's house at 3 in the morning, breathe heavily into the phone and then whisper, 'I'm going to kill your children.

I have to give the credit to Mr. Volpe at the announcer?s table, he makes me laugh, gives me nicknames, says something different every time I go up. That loosens me up and I don?t even think about it.

By this time we're all on equal footing; we understand each other and know each other. It makes for better relationships and better music.

I don't think they thought I was a threat to Steve Pederson. They thought someone would read my column and be inspired to hurt his kids.