235 Quotes by Bill Bailey

Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.

Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.

It’s true. Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.

On GM crops: I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of velcro, to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles. But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding velcro so it’s a bit of a long shot.

People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’

Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.

Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit.

I’m English and, as such, I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.