235 Quotes by Bill Bailey

Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.

I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn’t me.

I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.

I tend to go through periods worrying, “Where am I going, I can’t see a way out of this,” and it becomes quite stressful. But sometimes you have to take a bet on yourself.

I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.

Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?”

I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine.

Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?

There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.