163 Quotes by Bill Engvall

My belief is that if we take away that right to bear arms, the only people that are going to have them are... the ones breaking into your house.

I arrived home the other day, and it was just pouring rain out side so buy the time I get from the car to the front door I am soaked. I walk in side and take off my jacket and my wife says Is it raining out I couldn't help my self when I replied Nope, I had to take the gold fish for a walk. Here's your sign!

My favorite road trip ever is when my wife and I took an RV around the country. We just had the best time.

My goal is for 'The Bill Engvall Show' to be a show the networks look at and say, 'Ooh, maybe we should get back to the family sitcom.'

No sooner my kids leave their friends than they start texting them. And it's all in code in a language I totally don't understand.

Now people live into their 90s and beyond. As long as I have quality of life, I'm good.

People all over are finding themselves in jobs they never thought they'd be in.

People are trying to figure out how to pay bills and make ends meet. They don't want to turn on the TV and say, 'What is this crap?'

There's a reason God didn't give me this success in my 20s, because I'd have blown it.