377 Quotes by Bill Hicks

Women priests. Great, great. Now there’s priests of both sexes I don’t listen to.

I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet.

Will there be titty? Sure. Boom! I’m a producer. Where you been all our life, boy? We been lookin for you in Hollywood.

BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You’re not a human being until you’re in my phone book.

I don’t care if you’re obscene, filthy, horrendous – as long as you’re honest.

And I’m not getting laid! What am I doing wrong?

I’m sorry if any of you are Catholic. I’m not sorry if you’re offended, I’m actually just sorry by the fact that you’re Catholic.

Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that’s why you giggle the first hour.

I ascribe to Mark Twain’s theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.