141 Quotes by Brian Regan

The owner tends to source these things separately,

I saw this sign posted once, it said, 'blasting zone ahead'. Wow... shouldn't that read: Road Closed. What do you mean there's a blasting zone, what am I supposed to do, 'Hey-- ah, you might wanna buckle up, blasting zone coming up. Yeah. Just saw the sign. Put the helmets on back there! Yeah I think we're-- (Pow!)-- Oh! We're getting close! (Pow!)-- Oh! This is gonna be a bad blasting zone! Remember that last one--we lost Billy?

A small business doesn't have an HR director, usually,

I am willing to commit espionage against the United States by providing your country with highly classified information.

Many comedians consider themselves to be cutting edge. But why do we have to use the knife for the analogy. Let’s use the spoon. I like to consider myself the big bowl-like area of the spoon that holds all the stuff you like.

I’m honored that other comedians like what I do. That means the world to me. But at the same time when I’m on stage I’m not just trying to make the comedians laugh – I’m also trying to make the audience laugh. I want to make everybody laugh.

Hooked on Phonics worked for me.

A lot of the kind of comedy that I do comes out of real human moments. For them to work, they have to be truthful kinds of things that people in the audience can go, “Yes, I’ve experienced that myself!”

As long as I can make that audience one thing, one unit, then I’m okay with it. But, sometimes, the bigger the audience, the weirder it gets.