420 Quotes by Caitlin Moran

When a woman walks into a room, her outfit is the first thing she says, before she even opens her mouth. Women are judged on what they wear in a way men would find incomprehensible.

And so I have brought this pint for him – a proper Irish pint, from Ireland. This pint – brought through the sky, and over the sea. I am finally buying my old man a good pint of Guinness. As I walk through the door, holding the glass – kids throwing themselves at me, one already crying – I hold it out to Dadda, and tell him to sip it. He tears the cling film off – looking at me, confused – and then takes a sip. “Christ. That’s flat,” he says.

I was holding his hand. I banked every jealous look, and became limitlessly wealthy on them.

This is what happens, when it feels like the weight of the world is crushing right down on you. Your fear it’s going to change you forever. And you’re right. It is. It’s going to turn you into something that’s both beautiful, and the most indestructible thing on the planet.

Show a girl a pioneering hero – Sylvia Plath, Dorothy Parker, Frida Kahlo, Cleopatra, Boudicca, Joan of Arc – and you also, more often than not, show a girl a woman who was eventually crushed.

Death is not a release, but an incentive. The more focused you are on your death, the more righteously you live your life.

A ‘sign of weakness’ for a male celebrity is being found to be unfaithful, or unkind to an employee, or having crashed their car while stoned out of their tiny minds. A ‘sign of weakness’ for a woman, on the other hand, can be a single, unflattering picture.

I am getting incredibly high on a single, astounding fact: that it’s always sunny above the clouds. Always. That every day on earth – every day I have ever had – was secretly sunny, after all.

Please wait for me. Don’t have all the fun now. Don’t fill up on other people who aren’t me. Don’t ruin your appetite.