162 Quotes by Calvin Trillin

You know, I used to say, when people say, 'How do you think about what to write about in the poems every week?' And I say, 'Well, I have to turn it in on Monday, so on Sunday nights I turn the shower to iambic pentameter and it sort of works out that way.'

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

The shelf life of the average trade book is somewhere between milk and yogurt.

We all know funny people who can't get it down on the page - even funny writers who can't get it down on the page.

When it comes to rapacious 19th century capitalism, my family's hands are clean.

When you're writing, you are robbed of your delivery.

When it comes to Chinese food I have always operated under the policy that the less known about the preparation the better. A wise diner who is invited to visit the kitchen replies by saying, as politely as possible, that he has a pressing engagement elsewhere.

If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny.

With humor, it’s so subjective that trying to think of what the ideal reader would think would drive you crazy.