182 Quotes by Carlos Mencia

Why are we rebuilding New Orleans? Whose idea was this, Aquaman?

Here, let's go to my dressing room, and I promise, I'll only put it in for a second.

I am a product... I'm a comedian. I'm not curing cancer. In the end, I tell jokes. I make people laugh. I make sense out of ridiculous situations, but in the end, it's all about laughter. It's all about your cheek hurting, your stomach hurting.

I don't have the time to steal other people's material even if I wanted to. The reason why these rumors got started is that I don't really contest them because I don't believe they deserve contesting. I really don't.

America is such a great country, we have fat poor people.

Race makes things funny. A black guy driving in NASCAR: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Tide: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Aunt Jemima: hilarious.

What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.

When women can't climax, it's our fault, but when we can't get an erection, we have to go to the doctor.

If God made Adam and Eve, they had children... wait a minute... that means someone banged their sister!