182 Quotes by Carlos Mencia

Like my father I, too, was born in Central America - Nebraska.

I'll know America is in bad shape when Cubans in Miami get in the water and swim back to Cuba.

I don't have the time to steal other people's material even if I wanted to, ... The reason why these rumors got started is that I don't really contest them because I don't believe they deserve contesting. I really don't.

I am a product. . . . I'm a comedian. I'm not curing cancer. In the end, I tell jokes. I make people laugh. I make sense out of ridiculous situations, but in the end, it's all about laughter. It's all about your cheek hurting, your stomach hurting.

I have little compassion for people in trailer parks who refuse tomove after getting tornado warnings. How hard is it for them torelocate? Their house have wheels.

Going there is paying your dues. You always have to pay your dues. . . . You've just got to do it. Maybe I come from a working family. Maybe it's the voice of my mom saying, 'You've always got to be nice to people.' I look at it as saying it's going to be fun. Those people are going to be really, really happy.

It is never okay to use the toilet with the door open...I never want to know what comes out of there because sometimes I eat at that resturant.

You know those pills like Viagra, well they say that if you have an erection for more than 36 hours consult your physician. Well, if you don't know what to do with your boner after 36 hours then you are a DE and your wife doesn't know what to do then she's a DA. You two shouldn't reproduce because then your kid's gonna be like DEDADE.

You're Hispanic. You speak Spanish. You're doing ethnic jokes. Taco Bell is one of your first targets.