34 Quotes by Cat Marnell

Inhale, exhale. When the heaviness finally came it felt so nice – like the lead X-ray smock they drape over you at the dentist. I forgot all about the Red Flower candle burning on the dresser. Black waves were crashing on my bed. I slipped beneath the turbulent surface of the water. It felt so good that I wanted to sink forever. Mmm. My eyes rolled back, my body relaxed, and I passed out to the Britney Spears Blackout album always looping in my head.

I moved through my getting-ready-for-work routine like I was underwater.

I created the same cocoon I always did. So.

Heath Ledger was on the little glowing screen in front of me in his nurse’s uniform, smoky eyes, and smeared lipstick, smirking as he set off bombs and burned the hospital down.

And so I shut down. Winter raged on, but I stopped thinking about my pregnancy. I pretended it all wasn’t happening.

But you know what they say: mo’ prescriptions, mo’ problems.

Then I’d go pee into a cup – or at least try to. Stupid drug tests! I’ve been taking them for nearly a decade now and I still get pee on my hands. I’d really like to invent some sort of contraption for female addicts and take it to Shark Tank.

I was always relieved when Monday came. Beep.

All of this toxicity comforted me. It made me feel less alone. But.