87 Quotes by Cathy Guisewite

After 14 years of dieting, there are only two things I've never lost. Hope and weight.

Where's my tax form? Where's the file that's supposed to hold my W-2 form and interest statement? Where's the mileage log I specifically asked be kept last year?? Where's the monthly check summary? And who's been stuffing Visa receipts in the aluminum foil drawer??!! How embarrassing. I'm surrounded by idiots and I'm the only one in the office.

Wake me up when I'm a size 5.

I was going to sip on a diet soda, but a little voice convinced me I needed the extra calcium from a cup of hot chocolate.

I've found it's better to talk to the machine and hang up if I get the person.

I understand the sensitivities of grown children with little ones of their own!! They'll turn away a mother full of advice, but they'll never say no to one holding a mop.

Breaking up: It's so easy to return their possessions, but so hard to get our brain cells back.

In the '80s, I thought I'd be a success as a woman if I were the president of a billion dollar company, had a sensitive soul-mate husband, two bilingual children, buns of steels, and a compost heap. In the '90s, I pretty much feel I'm a success if I can get through the afternoon without eating a cheesecake.

Men date. Women have relationships.