58 Quotes by Charlie Higson

Of all the things she thought might happen when she came here, this wasn’t one. To be shot like this. Tears came into her eyes. She closed them, laid her head down on the grass and in a few moments her tears were the only part of her moving.

Great, thought Jack. I’m on marathon walk to London, likely to be ambushed by diseased nutters at any moment and I’m stuck with a load of idiots who sound like they’ve escaped from the set of In the Night Garden.

You’re gonna really scare them grown-ups, Paddy,’ said Achilleus. ‘They’ll be filling their nappies in fright.

My mum gave me a T-shirt with it on last Christmas.’ Ed smiled at the memory. ‘Wish I still had it. All I had to get stressed about before was GCSEs.’ ‘She didn’t give you a T-shirt that said Save Kitchen Scraps to Feed the Pigs, then?

Then maybe I’ll sneak into Buckingham Palace and slit his chicken throat one night.

He was reminded of TV ads for plug-in air fresheners where some woman would stick the little plastic thing in a socket and animated fumes would waft out and everyone would lift their faces, close their eyes, breathe in deeply and go ‘Aaaaaah’. Like they were taking some kind of drug rather than inhaling chemicals.

Yeah,’ said Blue quietly. ‘World peace and free Wi-Fi.

What did we know? This was early days. We had no idea what was out there. How dangerous it might be. It was just a school maths problem. They never asked that in the exams, did they? Like, “If John walks at three miles an hour from London to Brighton, and he’s attacked by rabid grown-ups four times, and they bite his right leg off, how long will it take him to bleed to death?

Nasty things, you know, gods, they don’t much care for anyone other than themselves.