257 Quotes by Chris Hardwick

I probably get one or two days off every five or six weeks.

The worst day ever was when I found out my grandfather was going to die.

Do you think Patrick Swayze now goes up behind people in pottery classes and hugs them just to crack up other ghosts?

I dated around some, but I've always been a serial monogamist. I don't know how people date around a lot, and not want to stab themselves in the face with a sharp object.

The thing about hipsters is that they take very seriously trying to make themselves look like they don't take themselves seriously.

A lot of people complain in the year 2003 that it's not the world of tomorrow as foreseen in the 1950s. 'Where are the flying cars?' people say. 'Where are the robots who bring us blue drinks and warn us of danger?' Alright. We don't have those things, specifically, folks, but you know what we do have? Laser vaginal rejuvenation surgery.

It's so much easier to give advice than to take it.

I love the South. Although I grew up primarily in Memphis, my family moved around a ton when I was a kid. I guess I never stayed in one place long enough to pick up the accent, but I definitely identify as a Southerner.

Playing Xbox for 23 hours straight is cool and all, but I'm going to teach you how to spend time on things in your life that will get you the following two things: paid and laid.