653 Quotes by Christopher Moore

The bat was looking at Theo and Theo was having trouble following his own thoughts.The bat was wearing tiny sunglasses.Ray Bans,Theo could see by the trademark in the corner of one lens."I'm sorry, Mr.,uh- Case, could you take the bat off your head.It's very distracting."Him."Pardon?"It's a him.Roberto.He no like the light.

It turns out that one can perpetrate all manner of heinous villainy under a cloak of courtesy and good cheer. . .a man will forfeit all sensible self-interest if he finds you affable enough to share your company over a flagon of ale.

Wait, what? Ain’t no thing. I’ma choke you out ironically, Evan, so you be too cool for school. Cool as a motherfuckin’ corpse, Evan.” He let a little air through. “I love something! I do love something.” “You do?” “My cat, Cisco.”“Cisco? After the outlaw?” “After the networking company.” “Yeah, I’m sho-nuff gonna choke this motherfucker out!

Foo shuddered. It had been less than an hour since the cops led Abby away and already he missed her like a severed limb. It was embarrassing. How could hormones and hydrostatic pressure make you feel like this? Love was very unscientific.

Sweetheart, wake up; you've destroyed the house and I need you to suffer for it.

Tommy, I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone before. If you repeat it, I'll deny I said it. Five years ago I saw a white owl with a seventy-foot wingspan swoop out of the sky and pluck a demon off a hillside and take off into the sky.""I heard that cops get the best drugs," Tommy said.

On the radio, turned low, Reba sang of hard times with the full authority of a cross-eyed redheaded millionaire.

So Now You're Death: Here's What You'll Need

He wanted her to experience all the glorious cheese of life.