653 Quotes by Christopher Moore

Just because he was pretty didn't mean he couldn't be improved by a smack upside the head with a piece of earnest hickory

Turtles hate heights. They don't even like being a few feet off the ground. It's the main reason they have resisted evolution for so long-fear of heights. Turtle thinking goes thus: Sure, first our scales turn into feathers and the next thing you know we're flying and chirping and perching on trees. We've seen it happen. Thanks, but we're staying right here in the mud where we belong. You're not going to see us flying full-tilt boogie into a sliding glass door.

Blessed are the meek, for to them we shall say "attaboy".

The reason I wrote 'You Suck' was that I so enjoyed spending time with Tommy and Jody.

Finding a new map in the brain is a truly exciting experience. It's a little like traveling to an unexplored island. It's literally charting new territory.

The reason I'm writing funny books is that I wish there were more.

Life is an irritation.

Fan mail typically goes through your publisher and you don't get it for a long time. So you look like a jerk even if you answer them because it's been three or four months since they wrote you. With e-mail it's instantaneous. And it's a way that people have access to me, while I maintain my privacy.

When you go on book tour, you're always talking about yourself and your book from the time you get up in the morning until you go out at night. You, you. You get really sick of yourself.