653 Quotes by Christopher Moore

Rachel could not believe what she was hearing. Accepting that her magic worked was a huge step, yet she was speaking to the evidence. But to be offered the power to rule the world? She wasn’t sure her career in exercise instruction had prepared her for this.

Yeah, and don’t think it’s easy finding Ray-Bans in a fruit-bat medium.

We know there’s going to be nothing but pain, but we go back again and again.

By Aladdin’s lamplit scrotum, man! Everything is a story. What is there but stories? Stories are the only truth.

Losers can only flourish until a dominant species appears.

Wiggly Charlie lived in a big house with his friends Audrey and Big Charlie. He liked mozzarella cheese sticks, chasing his tennis ball, and putting his purple wizard hat on his willy and pretending they were friends.

The measure of a man’s power is the depth of his mercy.

Judges was named after one of the books of the Bible, as was Sammy – Samuel – as Sammy’s mother found great comfort in her faith during labor, when she swore to God that if Sammy’s dad ever got that thing near her again she would murder him in his sleep.

That’s it, said Cavuto. You’re too much of a nerd to be gay. I’m contacting the committee. They’ll revoke your rainbow flag and you will not be permitted anywhere near the parade.