653 Quotes by Christopher Moore

It was the kind of kiss that he wanted to wake up to and keep refreshing periodically until he got one long last one, salty with tears, in his casket.

Don’t trust her,” shouted Helena, who was trying to stop Lysander from licking her shin. “She was a vixen when she went to school, and though she be but little, she is fierce.” “Little, is it?” said Hermia. “I will show you little, thou lumbering maypole. I shall decorate your inconstant lovers with your splattered brains.

I headed out to find Moo Shoes and inform him that our business venture had croaked my boss, and also that we had a business venture.

Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry, you can’t have a baby brother, because that would mean that Daddy had sex, and that’s never going to happen again.

They don’t cover what to do with a dead hooker. That’s a whole different program. Political science, I think.

You should never pass up an opportunity to be kind. You should never not thank someone. You should never not say something nice when you think it.

There’s always a bloody ghost.

Sweetheart, wake up; you’ve destroyed the house and I need you to suffer for it.

You are a disappointment to disappointments.