653 Quotes by Christopher Moore

Multiple Personality Barbie. She’s elegant, she’s fashionable, and she’s the reason that Ken has no genitals! Have fun, but remember to hide the sharp stuff!

Love without desire, or conditions, or limits – a pure and radiant glow in the heart that could make me giddy and sad and glorious all at once.

Confucius is like the Torah, rules to follow. And Lao-Tzu is even more conservative, saying that if you do nothing you won’t break any rules. You have to let tradition fall sometime, you have to take action, you have to eat bacon.

Shoes off in the whale! And don’t try and make a break for the anus.

He smiled to himself. Through many centuries and many incarnations, he had learned one universal truth: bitches love them some cushions.

God is a comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh.

Minty Fresh made a motion with his hands of leveling, as if he were smoothing an imaginary tablecloth of calm over a counter constructed of contemporary freak-out.

OMFGEIGHTPOUNDBABYJESUSONAPOGOSTICK WHAT?

Inside, I was like: “Ha, suck my spiky rubber strap-on, vampyre hunter!