653 Quotes by Christopher Moore

Hope is bulletproof, truth just hard to hit.

Back in the buffalo days, the Cheyenne prophet Sweet Medicine had seen a vision of men with hair on their faces who would come bringing a white sand that was poison to Indians. The prophecy had come true, the white sand was sugar, and Adeline blamed the white man for poisoning her right up to two hundred pounds.

He is angry when he leave today. Like bear,” said Mrs. Korjev, who was possessed of an atavistic compulsion toward ursine simile.

You see, my plan is working. For it is written that ’if the wise man always appears stupid, his failures do not disappoint, and his success gives pleasant surprise.

Oh, I get it,” I said. “It’s a parable. Cute. Let’s go eat.

It was sometimes difficult to reconcile a man’s talents with his personality.

Not the scream of a startled little girl, mind you, but a manly scream: the scream of a fellow who has caught his enormous dong in a revolving door while charging.

So Now You’re Death: Here’s What You’ll Need.

Life is loneliness, broken only by the gods taunting us with friendship and the odd bonk.