653 Quotes by Christopher Moore

I am convinced by the events of the last few weeks that nefarious forces of people – unidentified but no less real – are threatening life as we know it, and in fact, may be bent on unraveling the very fabric of our existence.

I am not the blues, I am jazz. I want to be present in the moment, not wallow in it.

Go away. Your feet are misshapen and your eyebrows grow together in a threatening way.

And I’ll have you know that if you hurt my son again, if he so much as sighs sadly over his coffee, I will hire a man, a Russian, probably, to hunt you down and rip all that shiny black hair from your head, then break your skinny arms and legs, and set you on fire, and then put you out with a hammer.

It’s like time travel only, you know, slower...

Actually, orcas aren’t quite as complex as scientists imagine. Most killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.

If you are going to learn, you need to forget what you know. – Pokey.

You have to reward them when they do what you want. I tried punishing them when they misbehaved, but the hammer seemed to crush their spirit.

Pondering is a little like considering and a little like thinking, but looser. To ponder, one must let the facts roll around the rim of the mind’s roulette wheel, coming to settle in whichever slot they feed pulled to.