653 Quotes by Christopher Moore

Don’t bruise the Foo!

He was a LEPER, you idiot! Not a leopard.

Don’t ask me how he got here, or what he really is. I think we’ve all learned over the years that the sooner we accept the simple explanation for the unexplained, the better chance we have of surviving a crisis.

What the hell good was it to be the Lord of the Underworld if there was fuzz on your underdone toast.

Like most Beta Males, he didn’t realize that being a good guy was not necessarily an attraction to women.

Your soul may be more evolved than you are right now. If a kid fails tenth grade, do you make him repeat grades K through nine?” “No, I guess not.” “No, you just make him start over at the beginning of tenth grade. Well, it’s the same with souls. They only ascend. A person gets a soul when they can carry it to the next level, when they are ready to learn the next lesson.

Faith isn’t an act of intelligence, it’s an act of imagination.

My kingdom for a razor-blade cowcatcher and Cuisinart wheel covers to cut my path through this herd of ignorant peasant meat, she thought. Then: Whoa, I guess I really do need the meds.

LOST 2 Irish Hellhounds. Very black, like bear. Huge, like bear. Answer to Alvin and Mohammed. Like to eat everything. Like bear! REWARD!