653 Quotes by Christopher Moore

Blessed are the minimarshmallows,” the angel said, swooning a little.

After all the evidence is in – after you’ve run all the facts by everything you know – and you’re still lost, you have to do some things on faith.

I didn’t do anything. I didn’t move a thing, I didn’t touch a thing, I didn’t change a thing. Believers do everything.

Just because he was pretty didn’t mean he couldn’t be improved by a smack upside the head with a piece of earnest hickory.

Do we look like thrill-seekers? Wasn’t it enough that we had to put up that sign reading NO HABLA ESPANOL and acknowledge the existence of thirty percent of the population, even in the negative?

She had the kind of legs that kept her butt from resting on her shoes – a size-eight dame in a size-six dress and every mug in the joint was rooting for the two sizes to make a break for it as they watched her wiggle in the door and shimmy onto a barstool with her back to the door.

Raziel! Go forth into the land and lay waste unto two good-size Wal-Marts, slay until blood doth flow from all bargains and all the buildings are but rubble – and pick up a few Snickers bars for yourself.

You were supposed to empathize with your friend’s problem, but they were, after all, your friend’s problems...

We Ask the Gods for Answers and They Give Us Questions.