653 Quotes by Christopher Moore

I’ve won Satan’s lottery.

Everything is a story. What is there but stories? Stories are the only truth.

Their names are Death, Disease, War, and Sparkle-Darkle Glitter-tits,” Sophie said. “They’re the four little ponies of the Apocalypse.

Every time you smell peaches, a ghost just got his rocks off.

So know this, little one. Whether you are the Messiah, or you become a rabbi, or even if you are nothing more than a farmer, here is the sum of all I can teach you, and all that I know: treat others as you would like to be treated. Can you remember that?

I’m poor and my cat is huge.

The gourney, the big file drawers of the dead, the instruments of dissection – this sure looked like the morgues in the movies. Something had gone seriously wrong while she slept.

There’s no such thing as a conservative hero.’ He was wise, that old man.

What?” he said. “What? What? What?” “Master, you’re walking on the water,” said Peter. “I just ate,” Joshua said. “You can’t go into the water for an hour after you eat. You could get a cramp. What, none of you guys have mothers?