653 Quotes by Christopher Moore

It’s Christmas! Ah, Christmas, the time when all good people go about not decapitating each other.

Tommy moved on. “Lash, your people have been oppressed for hundreds of years. It’s time to strike back. Look, you don’t have your MBA yet – they haven’t completely juiced you of your usefulness yet. Would Martin Luther King back down from this challenge? Malcolm X? James Brown? Don’t you have a dream? Don’t you feel good, like you knew that you would, now?

It’s like he has this power over me – like I have an eating disorder and he’s a package of Oreo Double Stuff cookies.

This is the man who called the fire department when the toilet backed up, and I’m asking him for help. What was I thinking? Why am I attracted to weak men?

Give in to your passions and they will lead you to the most preposterous conclusions – passions make a fool of reason.

What’s a Mennonite?” Vance asked. “Amish with blenders.

Molly stood over the stove, naked, except for a wide sash from which was slung the scabbard for her broadsword at the center of her back, giving the impression that she had won honors in the Miss Nude Random Violence Pageant. Her.

If they’d been dogs, they would have all been in the yard eating grass and trying to yak up whatever was making them feel so lousy. Not a bone gnawed, not a ball chased-all tails went unwagged. Oh, life is a fast cat, a short leash, a flea in that place where you just can’t scratch.

Who goes out without a phone? This guy was a complete loser.