653 Quotes by Christopher Moore

She can be a whirlwind of tits and terror when she puts her mind to a purpose, can’t she, sir?

Like looking down on a lubricious chess set, isn’t it? The king moves in tiny steps, with no direction, like a drunkard trying to avoid the archer’s bolt. The others work their strategies and wait for the old man to fall. He has no power, yet all power moves in his orbit and to his mad whim. Do you know there’s no fool piece on the chessboard, Kent?” “Methinks the fool is the player, the mind above the moves.

Jealousy makes you feel bad, but God is jealous, so it must be good. Yet when a dog licks its balls it seems to enjoy it, but it must be bad under the law.

Cry havoc, and let slip the trousers of most outrageous bonkilation!

So safe,” Coyote said, “that you can lose it in a day? To be safe is to be afraid. Is that what you want: to be afraid?

This story is not and never was meant to challenge anyone’s faith; however, if one’s faith can be shaken by stories in a humorous novel, one may have a bit more praying to do.

Tucker Case did not play golf. He’d tried it once, and although he’d enjoyed the drinking and driving the little electric car into the lake, he just didn’t get the appeal. It seemed – and he’d examined the game closely because his father had loved it – an awful lot like a bunch of rich white guys in goofy clothing walking around on an absurdly large lawn hitting absurdly small white balls with crooked sticks.

You don’t hurry a thinker, and you don’t talk to him when he’s thinking. It’s just inconsiderate.

Tuck watched the sun bubble into the ocean. Columns of vertical cumulus clouds turned to cones of pink cotton candy, then as the sun became a red wafer on the horizon, they turned candy-apple red, with purple rays reaching out of them like searchlights. The water was neon over wet asphalt, blood-spattered gunmetal – colors from the cover of a detective novel where heroes drink hard and beauty is always treacherous.