653 Quotes by Christopher Moore

Routine feeds the illusion of safety...

thou treacherous coal-souled wank-weasel!

thou wretched pillar of syphilitic pheasant-fuck!

By Aladdin's lamplit scrotum, man! Everything is a story. What is there but stories? Stories are the only truth.

That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm.

I can be most colorful and inventive when I am angry.

Sweet Pocket, you mustn’t ask about my life before I came here. What I am now, I have always been, and everything I am is here with you.”　　“Sweet Thalia,” said I. “That is a fiery flagon of dragon toss.

Science, you don't know, looks like magic.

The Beta Male is seldom the strongest or the fastest, but because he can anticipate danger, he far outnumbers his Alpha Male competition. The world is led by Alpha Males, but the machinery of the world turns on the bearings of the Beta Male.