653 Quotes by Christopher Moore

Congratulations, you have been chosen to act as Death, it’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it.

The constable lit the bong and lost himself in the scuba bubbles of sweet comforting smoke.

Why is it one can busta rhyme or busta move anywhere, but one must busta cap in someone’s ass?

Andrew Lloyd Webber’s version of the Kool-Aid jingle is at once chilling and evocative. Donny Osmond is brilliant as James Jones.

I know, lamb, love is a besquished toad ripening in the sun. But despair not, life in the nunnery is not completely devoid of joy. I was raised by nuns. Once a week you’ll be able to share a sumptuous raisin with your sisters, and then there’s the perpetual flicking of the bean in the dark, for which you’ll have ongoing guilt and repentance during the day, so you’ll stay busy.

And he was like “The sedative in the blood, blah, blah, four hours, blah, blah, nerdspeak, geektalk -” -Abby.

Are you absolutely sure you want to do this? Seems like maybe it would make more sense to call in a SWAT team or Special Forces.” “That won’t work, isn’t Special Forces where everyone gets a hug?” Charlie called. “That’s the Special Olympics,” Rivera said over his shoulder.

The entire town of Monte Rio consisted of a gas station and a tire-flattened raccoon.

Know what I like about mysteries? They’re mysterious.