73 Quotes by Colin Jost

Yes, Staten Island is the most Italian county in all of the United States, beating out even Meatball, Indiana. But the beauty of Staten Island is that anyone who lives there long enough, regardless of ethnicity, just becomes Italian.

Maybe that’s why most people never move off Staten Island—they’re terrified of hitting traffic on the way out.

Every public golf course on Staten Island has a secret alter ego.

Lorne always says, ‘You never want to be the smartest person in the room,’ because you always want to challenge yourself and try to get to the level of the people you admire.

To this day I’m always more productive while traveling because I know the journey itself is getting me somewhere, and that frees my mind to be more creative. There’s a reason it took an American to invent the rocking chair – because even when we’re sitting still, we like to feel like we’re in motion.

And the faster you find friends who challenge you and sometimes make you jealous, the faster you’ll grow as a comedian.

Super religious people are basically saying, “You have to see Jesus! Otherwise you’ll never get to heaven!” And I keep thinking, Yeah... but I don’t want to go to heaven if you’re gonna be there...

The truth is, I’ve always had a chip on my shoulder about my hometown. But it stems from a deep insecurity that I don’t really belong anywhere.

Eventually, I trained myself not to speak that way because I didn’t want people to single me out. I wanted to fit in other places, not just where I grew up. That’s why I now sound like an Ohio weatherman – neutral, friendly, and almost fully recovered after escaping that cult.