752 Quotes by Conan O'Brien

Big night of television tonight for Barack Obama. Earlier tonight, Barack Obama aired a half-hour infomercial to attract more voters. Yeah. Yeah, and apparently, if you watched the entire infomercial, Barack threw in a free set of Ginsu knives for you.

On Fox News, Donald Trump said Obama's birth certificate could indicate that he's a Muslim. Trump said he doesn't trust anyone with a foreign-sounding name, and neither does his daughter Ivanka.

Donald Trump insisted yesterday that he is not racist, because one time an African-American won Apprentice. Because nothing says 'not racist' like making a black man run your errands.

The latest political rumor, North Korea ruler Kim Jong Il is close to naming his successor. Yeah, he said the only person with glasses big enough to replace me is Nicole Richie.

Representative Chris Lee was forced to resign after sending a shirtless picture of himself to a woman on Craigslist. On the bright side, he DID surprise his wife for Valentines Day.

John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take control of his airplane even though they don't know what they're doing. Then Travolta said he often does the same thing with his career.

Donald Trump has come out in favor of shutting down Planned Parenthood. However, experts say, if he really wants Planned Parenthood to go under he should turn it into a Trump property.

Donald Trump called George W. Bush 'the worst president in the history of the United States.' Then he added, 'Until, of course, I'm elected.'

Egypt has responded to hundreds of thousands of protesters by shutting down the Internet. Just a word of advice: If you want people to stay at home and do nothing, you should turn the Internet back on.