752 Quotes by Conan O'Brien

The Secret Service said there have been 40 fence-jumping incidents at the White House in the past five years. Half of them were intruders trying to get in. The other half was President Obama trying to get out.

In Iraq, four American soldiers have been arrested and charged with stealing a million dollars cash. After hearing about it the Fox network announced plans for a new reality show called 'GI Joe Millionaire.'

The campaign to put a woman on the $20 bill has narrowed the choices down to four finalists. The four finalists are Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Flo from the Progressive Insurance ads.

Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here's the bad news. You just wasted it listening to this joke.

If you can laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people willthink you're drunk.

The White House says they will release the Osama bin Laden death photo. Better yet, they're doing it on a set of limited edition commemorative plates.

Election officials say that in 2016, it may be possible to vote for the president on your smartphone. Can you imagine that? With one swipe you can choose a president and at the same time tell him or her where you want to hook up.

In Montana, a math teacher is running for the Senate. Win or lose, she plans on demanding a recount because math is fun.

The ultimate responsibility to drop audio on something like that is mine. It's my show, 'Late Night with Conan O'Brien,' ... If I had to do it over again, I understand that word is offensive to people, it hurts people. I would say, 'Let's drop audio on it.'