752 Quotes by Conan O'Brien

  • Author Conan O'Brien
  • Quote

    The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren’t looking, they notice her breasts.

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  • Author Conan O'Brien
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    This year’s Olympics will be replacing the women’s beach volleyball bikinis with uniforms that are less revealing. The stricter dress code was made to appease the conservative nation of ‘Buzzkillistan.’

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  • Author Conan O'Brien
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    North Korea threatened to launch a missile at South Korea. North Korea backed down after South Korea threatened to launch a sequel to ‘Gangnam Style.’

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  • Author Conan O'Brien
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    No charm, no humor, no wit – and a personality which can only be described as ‘icky.’ .

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  • Author Conan O'Brien
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    Saudi Arabia’s first female athlete will be allowed to compete while wearing a head scarf. The Saudi woman said she was thrilled about the ruling all she needs now is a man to drive her to the Olympics.

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  • Author Conan O'Brien
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    President Bush got an early Christmas gift. This week, President Bush was chosen as ‘Person of the Year’ by Time magazine. Not only that, Martha Stewart was chosen as person of the year by Doing Time magazine.

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  • Author Conan O'Brien
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    Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you watch a lot of Cartoon Network and drink mid-price Chardonnay at 11 in the morning.

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  • Author Conan O'Brien
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    A Saudi Arabian prince has said that oil may never again rise above $100 a barrel. He said it’s gotten so bad he can’t afford to buy his wife her own car that she’s not allowed to drive.

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  • Author Conan O'Brien
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    Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump’s supporters – all of whom are late night comedians.

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