752 Quotes by Conan O'Brien

Time magazine has selected their person of the year. Guess what, it’s President-elect Barack Obama. Yeah, ironically, Ebony magazine announced their person of the year, and it’s Ed Begley Jr.

It’s a good thing I was born in this century, when superfluous television seems to be part of the economy.

Just days after Mitt Romney suggested he might run for president, there’s been a backlash. The backlash is led by Jeb Bush, Mike Huckabee, and just to hedge his bets on every issue, Mitt Romney.

A new report says that last year Colorado collected $44 million in marijuana taxes. Unfortunately, they can’t remember where they put it.

California Marijuana farmers are worried that radiation from Japan could affect their crops. Or maybe for some strange reason they’re just being paranoid.

When it comes to being visionary in stealing, the Republicans do better than anybody. It’s really something to see.

Pope Francis announced that next year he is coming to the United States, or as Fox News is reporting it, ‘Obama lets in yet another guy from South America.’

Tough Olympic news for the Romneys. Ann Romney’s horse Rafalka did not advance to the Olympic finals. Apparently it was beat by a smooth-talking socialist horse from Kenya.

Yesterday, after the Thanksgiving parade, Donald Trump appeared at Macy’s to promote his new line of fragrances and business suits. Unfortunately, there were high winds and Trump’s hair nearly killed two people.