752 Quotes by Conan O'Brien

This morning President Obama met with Britain’s Prince William in the Oval Office. It was a meeting between a symbolic ruler with no real power and the future king of England.

Republicans have called for a National African-American Museum. The plan is being held up by finding a location that isn’t in their neighborhood.

The post office says they’re raising the price of stamps by one cent because they need to upgrade their equipment. Apparently, they’re going from semi-automatics to uzis...

This week Apple stores are holding free computer programming classes for children. Or as that’s called in China, a job fair.

Indiana’s governor is coming under fire for a new law that some people feel is anti-gay. The governor now says he is not anti-gay. Then immediately afterwards he said, ‘April Fools.’ It wasn’t his best joke.

An Australian swimmer who failed to win a gold medal is blaming her loss on social media. In her defense, it is really hard to tweet when you’re swimming.

President Obama says he will not support a healthcare plan where the government gets to decide whether to, quote, ‘pull the plug on Grandma.’ Apparently, Obama’s plan calls for the much quicker pillow option.

For the first time ever, a black Republican woman has been elected to Congress. President Obama told her, ‘You are all set. This country never turns against a black anything.’

The White House says they will release the Osama bin Laden death photo. Better yet, they’re doing it on a set of limited edition commemorative plates.