752 Quotes by Conan O'Brien

In Iraq, four American soldiers have been arrested and charged with stealing a million dollars cash. After hearing about it the Fox network announced plans for a new reality show called ‘GI Joe Millionaire.’

Macy’s has severed ties with Donald Trump and no longer will carry his men’s wear collection. From now on, men who want to look like Donald Trump will have to hunt and kill their own hair piece.

It’s now come out just before his record-breaking 100-meter dash, gold medalist Usain Bolt ate at McDonald’s. Apparently he timed his meal so when the race started he would have exactly 9.63 seconds to get to a toilet.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is gonna be the new governor of California. During his acceptance speech Arnold said ‘I will not let you down.’ Unfortunately, at the time Arnold was holding a woman over his head and looking up her dress.

It’s a mistake to read. Television is the only way.

Critics say it’s illegal for Donald Trump to run for president while hosting a TV show. It’s also illegal to run for president if your hair wasn’t born in this country.

Hillary Clinton has reportedly accepted Barack Obama’s offer to become secretary of state. That’s what they’re saying in the New York Times. Yeah, according to Bill Clinton, this is the first time in 20 years that Hillary has said ‘yes.’

The Republican Party had a big day in yesterday’s midterm elections and now controls the House and Senate. And don’t ask me how this happened, but the Republican Party also gained control of three seats in our show’s band.

You know why the French don’t want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses, and he wears a beret. He is French, people.