752 Quotes by Conan O'Brien

Donald Trump said prior to the debate that he wants to be very civil. He said that instead of referring to all Hispanics as criminals, he’ll call them criminal Americans.

Herman Cain is out there, he says a lot of provocative things. He said America should build its own Great Wall of China. Cain says it’s a great idea because if there’s one thing you don’t see in China, it’s Mexicans.

I’m shocked to find out we still sell something people want.

The New York Times reports that Moammar Gadhafi spent his last days hovering between defiance and delusion, surviving on rice and pasta. In other words, Gadhafi spent his last days as a sophomore in college. That’s what I did.

During her Oscar acceptance speech, Patricia Arquette called for equal pay for women. Then Oprah stood up and said, ‘She’s right, I can’t live like this. I can’t take another second of this living hell.’

The Obama administration announced a deal with Iran that would prevent the Iranians from making a nuclear weapon. In exchange, we’re giving the Iranians Netflix.

People looking into Barack Obama’s campaign contributions say that Obama may have received $3.3 million from abroad. Yeah. It turns out that broad is Oprah Winfrey.

The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, ‘Why didn’t you do that when you were on television?’

The Chinese government launched China’s first 24-hour news channel. And since the channel will only report stories that are favorable to the ruling party, they’ve decided to call it Fox News.