143 Quotes by Craig Kilborn

You may have heard this, that NASA discovered water on Mars When he heard about the water on Mars, President Bush said, ‘Is it regular or unleaded?’

Comedy doesn’t always have to come from a dark place.

President Bush says in the last month he has created 300,000 new jobs. Yeah, they’re called Kerry campaign workers.

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn’t answer the phone.

There are 300,000 new jobs and Bush said he’s confused, ‘Can I take credit for good news that I didn’t even make up?’

President Bush announced a billion dollar mission to the moon and Mars. He came up with a snappy new slogan – to drill where no man has drilled before.

As fighting in Iraq intensifies, President Bush delivered his supplemental war budget to Congress. The money will cover 30 days of fighting, then we’ll be sent one war every other month until we cancel our subscription.

President Bush is trying to put a positive spin on the latest bad economic numbers. Today he declared victory in the ‘War on Jobs.’

Boeing is working on an invisible fighter jet so nobody can see who’s flying it. Didn’t George Bush fly this in the National Guard, I believe?