143 Quotes by Craig Kilborn

George W. Bush even stopped in Pennsylvania to try his hand at the lotto and gave up when he could only think of the numbers 4 and 17.

Yesterday Jerry Springer bowed out of the Ohio Senate race. He said, ‘If I can’t run the most embarrassing campaign in America, then I’m out of here.’

In Louisiana, President Bush met with over 15,000 National Guard troops. Here’s the weird part, nobody remembers seeing him there.

Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush’s budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with ‘Hey, look over there, it’s Saddam Hussein.’

I don’t do well around the angry, bitter and emotionally fragile among us, which may eliminate 70% of the population.

Tom Ridge now says we don’t have to run out and put plastic sheets all over the house. Great, tell that to my dead parakeet.

The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush’s poll numbers. In fact, I hear he’s already working on his concession smirk.

Here in California, one candidate for governor is a 100-year-old woman. She’s going door-to-door and asking one simple question – ‘Do I live here?’

This is so weird. I saw the new John Kerry campaign commercial and he says, ‘I’m John Kerry and I approve of this message – if I have one.’