636 Quotes by Craig ferguson

Stand by your bed and salute me.

I realize that I am not a journalist. So anything I say is not important.

Much of television has been homogenized in the desire to avoid annoying or upsetting people.

Canada is not the party. Its the apartment above the party.

A junkie will steal your purse, and then help you look for it.

Oprah's quitting in 2011. Now we know why the Mayans ended their calendar in 2012

It turns out that speeding irresponsibly in a large truck, placing personal wealth ahead of the welfare of others, is one of the greatest sins in the Universe....

The clocks understood, they kept moving, motion, following the truth that change is the nature of God's mind, and resistance to it is the source of great pain.

What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the Shawshank Redemption of late night!