636 Quotes by Craig ferguson

For most of these people, it's probably the most looked-forward-to event of the year for them.

Appear tougher or cooler or funnier than you feel and there is a chance you'll make it.

Betty White met with President Obama at the White House. President Obama invited Betty personally because she's great with animals. And the president's still having a tough time house-training Joe Biden.

Being funny is a gift, and, when done well, is an art form.

Even though it's warm here in L.A., people still have to wear layers - at least until their plastic surgery heals.

Going into at least January, you would expect the Fed to take rates to 4.5 per cent in the US, possibly up to 4.75 per cent by March. If that's the case, then the US dollar is more likely to rally . . . over . . . the next three to six months than decline, so the Aussie is going to be under pressure.

Climate change is a serious problem. We all need to do what we can. Unless that means I've got to change stuff. Then I'm not doing it.

Every year law schools churn out thousands of lawyers. We don't need any more lawyers. We need more lawyers like we need more talk-show hosts.

There are rumors that there is a John Edwards sex tape. People say it's twenty minutes of Edwards caressing and stroking...And that's just the part where he fixes his hair.