636 Quotes by Craig ferguson

Personally, I hope he doesn’t get out of the campaign. I need Rick Perry. I don’t want to spend the next year trying to do jokes about Mitt Romney.

The problem with suicide is that it seems so flamboyant. It’s camp. You have to be a bit of a drama queen to ever seriously consider it.

I think sometimes that people think brave means not being afraid, which of course it doesn’t mean that at all. It means that you’re afraid, but you move past that and do it anyway, do what you think is right.

Sometimes they would just pay me to stay home and not do anything else, which sounds fantastic but doesn’t do much for your ego. Its probably a little like getting alimony-the money is nice but has a nasty aftertaste.

Sometimes, in order to follow one’s heart, one must do the wrong thing. Now, I’m not absolving anyone of their actions; you have to be responsible for your actions, sick or well, you have to be, you just have to be. All of us are accountable.

The nation of Iran is threatening to sue the makers of the movie Argo. They say the movie was an unrealistic portrayal of their country. You can’t do that! That would be like Scotland suing over the movie Shrek.

Sarah Palin. Remember Sarah Palin? She is adorable. She is back on the campaign trail. Really. She’s going to campaign in the Senate runoff in Georgia. As soon as she finds out where Georgia is.

I’m gonna enjoy being old I think I’ll be awesome at it.

Here in California, we passed a law against texting while driving. But there’s no law preventing you from writing a letter while driving.