636 Quotes by Craig ferguson

The first ads for medical marijuana have started airing on television in California. The ads are quite expensive. It costs a lot of money to buy 30 seconds during ‘Spongebob Squarepants.’

I don’t see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job.

My mother was tickled and I think kind of proud when my father got hit on my an attractive middle-aged Asian lady who hadn’t noticed he was with his family. He was certainly pleased about it.

I’ve been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can’t run. That was a revelation.

World War Z is out today. The big zombie movie. The trailer looks scary. You see hordes of bodies climbing and rolling over each other. It’s like Black Friday at the mall.

Anyway, if you needed something really dangerous, get a gun. It’s easy, it’s cheap, and it’s the American way.

That’s here on CBS, where the ‘C’ stands for ‘Classy’ and the ‘BS’ speaks for itself.

They say give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. But teach a man to fish and he’ll get his own show on the Discovery Channel.

I did have a love for literature that overpowered my hatred of the people who taught it, and I think because I had no respect for the teachers, their attitude didn’t poison the writing that I was discovering for myself.