636 Quotes by Craig ferguson

I didn’t say no because between safety and adventure I choose adventure.

Acid gave me a clinical, unblinking look at madness, and I discovered I wasn’t brave enough to be insane.

Stoners just got a powerful new ally in the fight to legalize marijuana – conservative broadcaster Pat Robertson. He said it’s time to ‘you know, legalize it, tax it, and keep it away from Mel Gibson.’

You know, your whole life you’re concerned about money for this and that. And then you don’t have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff.

I’ve got young kids, so it suits me to do a job which keeps me in town right now.

During the cold war, West Berlin was an exclave – a tiny outpost of liberalism surrounded by people who want to crush it. It was like Austin, Texas.

Anyone who’s just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.

There is a new survey out about the happiest professions. I think the whole premise is flawed. You’re supposed to find true happiness outside of work. From friends, family, and YouTube videos of old people falling down.

A new survey says one in three adults will be dressing up for Halloween. As for me, I’m not going to do anything. I’m going as Congress.